


Happy to Help

by Once_More_With_Feeling



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 19:23:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7983301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Once_More_With_Feeling/pseuds/Once_More_With_Feeling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thomas and Anna help each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Spring, 1926**

It was late. His shoulders ached as he sat down in his favorite chair in the servants’ hall. He thought of just going to bed, but found he preferred the comfort of his rocker and the fire to the loneliness of his room, especially tonight.

Andy and Daisy would be marrying in just over two weeks, and they were ecstatic. Adorable, even. And Thomas was happy for them, he truly was. He was thrilled and humbled to be Andy’s best man. But for some reason listening to them try to decide on what kind of cake they wanted Mrs. Patmore to make for their special day… Well, today that made Thomas feel more lonely than usual.

He sighed, and opened his newspaper. Maybe he would find an engaging feature story. He relaxed his shoulders… until he heard footsteps on the stairs. Someone had come down and walked into the kitchen. Who would be up at this hour? Didn’t these people he worked with have lovers and spouses they could snuggle up with, or at least dream about? He was sure everyone else had been in bed hours ago.

He rose silently from his chair and walked out into the hallway toward the kitchen. He heard the clinking of a glass. “Hello?” he called softly. “Is someone there?”

He kept walking slowly toward the kitchen, and as he entered it, found himself face to face with Anna, in her nightgown. He nearly stepped on her toes.

“Anna!” he said in surprise, just as she exclaimed “Mr. Barrow!” They each took a step back.

“What are you doing down here?” he asked. “Come to it, what are you doing here at all? I thought you’d left for your cottage ages ago.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, didn’t Mrs. Hughes tell you? Since Mr. Bates is away with his Lordship in London for a few days, I—I’m staying here. The baby and I are up in my old room. I suppose it frightens me, to be alone in the cottage without Mr. Bates, especially now the baby’s here. If anything happened, I’d feel quite helpless.”

As she spoke he knitted his brow in concern, taking in all she told him. She looked at him intently as she stopped speaking, and appeared to be waiting for more than just a response. She seemed to be waiting for… Oh. He knew this look. She was waiting for him to say something nasty.

But he didn’t feel nasty. He felt… sorry. Or maybe sad. For her. Feeling afraid in her own home, without her husband there. He frowned slightly at the floor, then looked up again, into her eyes.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Anna. That you were afraid. And I didn’t mean that I thought you shouldn’t be here. You’re very welcome here, of course. I was just surprised to see you.”

“Oh,” she said, as her shoulders dropped. She seemed so relieved.

“Is there anything you need?” he asked, sincerely. “I mean, it’s so late, and you must have come down to the kitchen for something in particular at this hour.”

She paused, considering him. “Actually… yes. I just got the baby to sleep, and… I have a bit of a headache. Probably from lack of sleep,” she smiled, sheepishly. “I just came down looking for a powder. I found it, but it’s on a top shelf and I can’t reach it. I was just about to drag a chair over.”

“Could I get it for you?” he asked.

She smiled. “Yes, thank you. That would be nice.”

He followed her to the shelf she indicated, and easily reached for the glass medicine bottle. He took it and handed it to her. “Here you are,” he said, with a shy smile.

“Thank you,” she answered, taking the bottle. “That’s kind.”

“Of course,” he answered. “I’ll leave you to it, then. Think I’ll go to bed now. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight,” she answered, and watched him walk out of the kitchen and toward the stairs.

***

Thomas woke up with an idea. It might have meant he’d lost his mind. Or it might have meant he was a good friend. It was difficult to tell the difference sometimes.

He thought about his idea all through breakfast. He barely noticed the bells on the board ringing behind him, and everyone jumping up from the table to head upstairs or down the hall to begin working. He continued to stare intently at his teacup, trying to decide if he should act on his idea.

“Mr. Barrow?” a voice called to him. Mrs. Hughes. She had stood from her chair next to him, and was watching him now. “Are you… working today?” she said with a small smile, making a mild joke.

“Oh,” he said, trying to refocus on the present. He stood from his chair. “Um, yes. Yes, of course.” He tried to smile reassuringly. He knew Mrs. Hughes worried when he became quiet and pensive, and he hated for her to worry today. “I’m alright, Mrs Hughes. Really. I was just… thinking.”

“Ah, thinking,” the housekeeper responded. She lowered her voice, but the look of concern did not leave her face. “Nothing too sad, I hope?”

“No,” he said, and smiled, genuinely this time. “Nothing sad.” He nodded to her, and walked out of the servants’ hall.

If he was going to act, he needed to speak to Anna. He found her at the foot of the stairs. “Anna?” he called. “Might I have a word?”

She turned around and smiled. “Of course, Mr. Barrow, but I do need to get to Lady Mary’s room.”

“Oh, I won’t be but a minute,” he answered, as they stepped away from the stairs, and out of the way of the other servants coming and going.

“How can I help?” she asked.

“Actually, I was wondering if I could help. Help you, I mean.” She looked at him curiously. He looked at the floor. “I wondered if… if it would help…” he paused. He should have practiced. Put more thought into how he would phrase his question. It was too late, though. All he could do was press on. “I wondered, if you don’t like to be alone in the cottage at night, would it help if I slept there?”

“What?” she asked. Oh, God. He hadn’t thought about how that would sound. What would she think of him now? He looked at her then, expecting to find a disturbed look on her face. But she seemed… interested. He continued.

“I don’t mean anything inappropriate. I just mean, I could sleep on the sofa, and you and the baby would be in your room, of course. But you wouldn’t have to be alone. And…” he looked down again. “Neither would I.”

She was silent. He was terrified. Had he overstepped? He nearly turned and ran away in embarrassment, but then she answered him. “You would do that? For me?”

Relief flooded through his body. “I would, yes,” he answered. “If it would be helpful.” When he looked up, she was smiling. Maybe he hadn’t lost his mind.

“Thank you, Mr. Barrow. That’s very kind. And it would be helpful, so… yes.”

“Alright, then,” he answered. “After the servants’ dinner tonight. We’ll walk to the cottage together?”

“Yes,” she said, simply. “And thank you.”

“Don’t mention it,” he said, suddenly feeling shy again.


	2. Chapter 2

He saw Anna several times throughout the day, of course, and it was hard not to smile at her. He didn’t want anyone thinking he was keeping a secret, though, so he tried to hide his delight at times. It was a relatively new feeling for him, this being happy to help, and he liked it. 

That night after the dinner dishes were cleared, he rose from his seat at the head of the table and walked to his pantry. He had a few things to check up on and lock up before he left for the night. He had also packed a small bag earlier in the day, with his pajamas, and toothbrush and housecoat. After making sure everything was as it should be, he picked up his bag and stepped back into the hallway to see if Anna was ready. She was just coming down the stairs, with the baby in her arms.

“He’s asleep,” she whispered, as she walked toward him. Together they walked toward the coat rack, and he put on his coat and then his hat. And then, as though he had done it a thousand times, he carefully took the sleeping baby from her so she could put on her own coat. 

“Would you like me to carry him?” Thomas asked, though he was really asking for her permission to do so.

She seemed to understand. “I don’t mind, if you don’t,” she answered. He gave her a smile, then holding the baby with one arm, he opened the door for her with the other, and they stepped out into the night. 

The air wasn’t as frosty as it had been a few months ago, but he made sure to hold the baby close as they walked, to keep him warm. Anna watched him as they walked together, but again, more out of interest than concern that he was doing something wrong. 

When they arrived at the cottage doorstep, he waited while she pulled her key from her purse. She unlocked the door, and they stepped inside, and Thomas was surprised to find it nearly as cold in the small house as it was outside. Before taking off her coat, she reached out to take the baby from his arms. “I’ll just get him in his cradle. With any luck he’ll sleep through the night now,” she said quietly. 

Thomas felt sad to let the baby go, and took more notice of the cold. “Would you like me to build a fire?” he offered.

She looked up at him. “Yes, that would be lovely, actually. I could make us some tea in a minute, if you’re for staying up for a bit.”

He smiled and nodded, and watched her walk down the hall to the bedroom. He walked into the sitting room, took off his shoes, and knelt in front of the fireplace. He used some kindling to start a small flame, and as he pulled logs from the wood box, he heard Anna make her way into the kitchen to put on the kettle. 

His heart began to ache as the flames in the grate grew slightly higher. He sat back, on his knees, and looked at the glow in the fireplace. Was this what it felt like, to be a husband, a father? Would all that he could never have smother him again tonight, even as he did his best to be a good man, and a good friend?

And then he decided. No. Not tonight. He had the chance to sit here on the sofa in a warm sitting room, with a kind woman, and chat with her, and smile. And he would never have a wife, but that did not have to mean that happy things—in particular this happy thing that was actually happening—had to make him sad. 

He stood then, and turned around to see Anna with two mugs of steaming tea in her hands. She gave one to him, and settled herself on the sofa. He took his tea, and sat down next to her. They sipped their hot drinks and looked at the fire for a time, letting it warm their faces, and fingers and toes. 

After a few moments, she spoke. “Thank you for doing this, Mr. Barrow. It’s so nice to be able to sleep soundly in my own bed, even with Mr. Bates away.”

He turned to look at her. “It’s my pleasure, Anna, really,” he replied. He wanted to tell her how wonderful her home was, and how lucky he felt to be sitting in it, warming himself on this cool spring night, with a friend by his side. All he could manage, though, was “It’s so warm here.”

She smiled, and seemed to understand what he meant. She placed her hand on his shoulder. He closed his eyes at her touch, and tried to smile, because he was happy, he really was. But he ended up crying instead. When she saw a tear fall down his cheek, she pulled her hand away. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. “Did I… hurt you?”

“No, Anna,” he whispered. “No, you didn’t hurt me.” He took a deep breath to steady himself, and kept his eyes closed. “I’m just not used to… this.” 

She was silent a moment, then placed her teacup on the side table next to the sofa. “Mr. Barrow,” she said softly. “Thomas. Come here.”

He opened his eyes. “What?” he asked, slightly confused. “I am here.”

“No, Thomas,” she said, using his familiar Christian name again. “Come here. It’s alright.”

She pulled one of the sofa pillows into her lap, and reached toward him. 

Oh. 

He was sure he shouldn’t. But he wanted to. He really, truly wanted to.

“What would Mr. Bates say?” he asked softly. 

“It’s alright,” she said again. “If Mr. Bates were here, I’m sure he would understand. Come on, then.”

It occurred briefly to Thomas that this made absolutely no sense. If Mr. Bates were here, he himself certainly would not be. And even if he was in their home with both of them at the same time, he could hardly… Oh, never mind. 

Slowly, ever so slowly, after placing his tea on the floor next to him, he leaned to his right, and lowered himself into her lap. He rested his head on the pillow there, brought his feet up onto the end of the sofa, and closed his eyes. He kept his composure as he felt her hand on his shoulder once again, but he lost some control when her other hand touched his hair. He allowed himself one sob. In all of his memory, only Miss Baxter had ever touched him this way, and it had been quite some time. Miss Baxter usually found a way to kiss him goodnight, in the privacy of his pantry after dinner, or to squeeze his hand, or touch his back, at least once a day, since he had told her last year that no one ever touched him. But it had been nearly a year since she, or anyone, had held him. Nearly a year since he thought he needed it. And now, to be here in this warm place, with tea, and a fire, and a baby sleeping in the next room. Here, with Anna, whom he didn’t know as well as he knew Phyllis… it could have been too much. But he took a deep breath, and decided again. He decided that tonight, her touch would not break his heart, but help heal it. 

“It’s alright,” she murmured once more, as she pulled a blanket from the back of the sofa and covered him with it. He turned onto his back and looked up at her. She placed a hand on his brow, caressed him from his forehead to his crown, several times over. He closed his eyes and let her. 

Just before he fell asleep, he said softly, “And I thought I was helping you tonight.”

“We help each other, Thomas,” she said. “That’s what friends do.”

“Goodnight, Anna,” he whispered.

“Goodnight, my friend.”

**Author's Note:**

> This might have to be considered an AU, in which Anna is actually comfortable with touching people. :) This one has been playing out in my head for a while though, and Thomas being taken care of by the women in his life is, obviously, my jam.


End file.
